Rocking a Baby

Last night, I really couldn't sleep. It's probably a mixture of many things causing my insomnia like working nights and the enormous amount of time I was laying in bed this weekend due to the virus we had. I heard Garrett whispering little groans and noises through our monitor. I decided, since he was awake to go up and rock him in his chair for a little bit. He's getting so big that he almost doesn't fit across my lap in my arms while in his chair.

I walked up the stairs to his room. As soon as he heard my footsteps and before I even opened the door I heard him say "mama" with a loud rustle of his covers from pulling himself up. My heart melted. I closed the door behind me quietly and hit the button on his crib soother (which he actually turns on in the night by himself when he is awakened). I picked him up with his blanket and went to his rocker. He has such a nice rocker/recliner. I hate to admit, but I wish I had used it a lot more. It makes me a little sad that I did not. Not because it's a nice chair, but because I will only be able to rock my youngest baby so much longer.

I started rocking him, both of us just silent, staring into each others eyes literally. The weight of his little, warm body in my arms wrapped up in a blanket. I wondered what he was thinking. Maybe he was thinking about how much he loves me, like I was thinking about him. He might have been thinking I was a little crazy with the tears in my eyes. They were bittersweet tears, happy and sad for so many reasons. Mainly happy though. Happy that I'm blessed with two beautiful, sweet children, who have changed my life.

He eventually giggled after a few minutes. It was hard not to laugh with him even at 2am or so in the morning. He's always laughing at something. It might have been my funny hair or just a smile that came across my face that I couldn't hide. He put his little hand on my face and then to my ear. He found a little spot of bare skin on my arm against his cheek and started blowing raspberries. I knew that the rocking wasn't working this time as it had in the past. I put him back to bed with his favorite bear and his sippy of water. Then kissed him and said good night.

I'm still learning as a mom. I'm sure I will the rest of my life. Slow down. Spend time with them. Read a book, play a game, go outside. The other things can wait. I just hope when they grow up that they look at me with love and are happy with the mom I was to them. Life... Please slow down.